Some parents are easy to talk to or calmer in a crisis. Some are more emotional, more easily stressed out, more likely to get upset or angry, to yell or cry, or express themselves loudly. Most parents want to be supportive of a daughter who is pregnant or a son who got a girl pregnant , even if they are angry or upset at first. But a few may react violently to the news and let anger get out of control.
If you think your parents might fall into this category — for example, if they have a history of physical violence — read the section on "Protecting Yourself" at the end of this article. Some parents don't show how they feel at first. They may take time to absorb the news. Others react quickly and there's no mistaking how they feel.
Some will listen and be sensitive to your feelings. Some parents will spring into action, taking charge and telling you what to do. Think about how your parents have reacted to other situations. Try to imagine how they might respond — but remember it's impossible to really know for sure. Still, thinking about what to expect can help you feel prepared for the conversation you plan to have.
First, find the words. You might say, "I have something difficult to tell you. I found out that I'm pregnant. Allow your parents to absorb what you said. Be prepared to deal with the reaction. What happens next? Will your parents be angry, stressed, or emotional? Will they lecture you? Use harsh words? Ask a ton of questions?
It's good to think ahead about what you might do and how you may feel. For instance, if a parent yells, you'll want to be prepared so you can keep the conversation productive and resist any urge to yell back.
Of course, not every parent yells. Many don't. Even if parents have a strong reaction at first, most want to help their children. Lots of teens are surprised at how supportive their parents turn out to be. It can help to tell your parents that you understand their feelings and point of view. Saying things like, "I know you're really mad," "I know this isn't what you wanted for me," or, "I know this isn't what you expected" can help your parents be more understanding.
The key is to be honest and speak from the heart. If you say what you think parents want to hear or make statements just to calm them, it might sound fake.
Give your parents time to speak without jumping in. Listen to what they say. Let them vent if they have to. Hello woman i thought you were ready for me to help you get pregnant Why didn't you reply me to tell me if you are still interested in this herbs to help you get pregnant or not.
As I said earlier here is not a place for unserious people. Because what I do here is real not child's play. So get back to me ASAP. By Judith S. Lederman January 24, Save Pin FB More. Lederman pregnant. Update: On February 15, , Judith gave birth to twin boys! Comments 6. Sort by: Newest. Newest Oldest. Read More. So happy to hear that you and your husband were blessed!!! My mother had me young and went on to have 3 more children up until the age of 38 now my mother is 51 and is expecting baby number 4 due here in just a few weeks Read More.
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All rights reserved. Close Sign in. The intended parent s can apply to the Supreme or County Court for a substitute parentage order if the child was conceived as a result of a treatment procedure in Victoria and if the intended parent s lives in Victoria at the time of making the application. A substitute parentage order will name the intended parent s as the legal parent s.
An application for a substitute parentage order must be made no less than 28 days and no more than six months after the child is born. The court may make a substitute parentage order if it is satisfied that: making the order is in the best interests of the child if the surrogacy arrangement was organised with the assistance of a Victorian registered fertility clinic, that the PRP approved the surrogacy arrangement before it was entered into if the surrogacy arrangement was organised without the assistance of a clinic, the surrogate mother was at least 25 years of age before entering the surrogacy arrangement, and both counselling and information about the legal consequences of making a substitute parentage order were obtained the child is living with the intended parent s at the time the application is made the surrogate and her partner, if any did not received any material benefit from the surrogacy arrangement the surrogate and her partner, if any freely consents to the order.
For interstate surrogacy arrangementsAs of , children born in Victoria through an altruistic surrogacy arrangement in another Australian state or territory except the Northern Territory can have their parentage legally recognised. Victoria's Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages can amend the birth registration of a child conceived under an interstate surrogacy arrangement, once certain requirements are met. These requirements include a Victorian registration order being made by the County Court or Supreme Court, and a corresponding surrogacy parentage order being obtained from the other Australian state or territory.
The Registrar will then change the child's birth record to name the intended parent s as the child's parents and issue a new birth certificate. The legislation ensures that Victorian legal requirements for surrogacy and assisted reproductive treatment cannot be ignored. Parents seeking a Victorian court order for surrogacy arrangements entered into after Victorian surrogacy laws were in place will need to show that they had a genuine connection to the state or territory in which the child was conceived and that they did not move to that location in order to avoid Victorian surrogacy laws.
For surrogacy arrangements entered into before Victorian surrogacy laws were in place, parents will only need to show that the order is in the best interests of the child. International surrogacyInternational surrogacy process1. Considering surrogacyInternational surrogacy is complex. Given the many benefits of Australian arrangements, prospective parents should consider surrogacy locally first.
It is important for you to seek as much information as possible before getting started. While treatment may sometimes appear cheaper overseas, it is important to consider all financial implications including travel and medical insurance, clinic costs and unexpected expenses. These may include: costs associated with delays and complications additional medical expenses not covered as part of the treatment administrative costs for citizenship and immigration once the child is born extended stays if immigration issues are protracted.
If there is a multiple pregnancy there is a higher chance that the babies could be born prematurely and may need neonatal intensive care for a prolonged period.
You may want to seek specialist financial advice about this possibility. Getting independent legal adviceIt is essential to find out about the laws on surrogacy in your state or territory. While Victorian law does not prevent residents from travelling overseas for surrogacy gestational or traditional , it is strongly advised that you seek independent specialist legal advice before you enter into an international surrogacy arrangement.
It is important that the legal issues of immigration, citizenship, and recognition of parentage are clarified for both your country of origin and the country where treatment is sought. Have a fertility assessmentBefore undertaking international surrogacy arrangements, intended parent s should have a thorough assessment by a fertility specialist to understand if it is the best option. Men single or same-sex couples should have a sperm test performed before starting treatment.
Local fertility treatment may be suitable depending on individual circumstances. Choosing an overseas clinic and applying for approvals if neededIn deciding where to seek treatment overseas, it is important that you fully understand the clinic's or agency's practices, including: Accreditation.
How is the clinic certified and what are the qualifications of the staff who work there? How does the clinic recruit and select surrogates including medical and psychological screening? Care for surrogates. This includes their policies on informed consent, counselling, pregnancy and delivery care, as well as verified payment.
How will they ensure that the correct embryos are transferred? What precautions and procedures are in place to ensure accurate recording and labelling? The number of embryos to be transferred. There are much higher risks to the babies of miscarriage, premature birth, illness, disability and even death if more than one embryo is transferred.
Storage and transport of eggs, sperm or embryos. If you have eggs, sperm or embryos in storage in Victoria and wish to move them overseas, you will need to contact the clinic where your eggs, sperm or embryos are stored to arrange transport to another country. If you would like to export donor eggs, donor sperm or embryos formed from donor eggs or sperm, you will need to apply to VARTA for approval to export donated material to another country.
VARTA must be able to determine that the way in which the eggs, sperm or embryos will be used overseas is consistent with the way in which they could be used in Victoria before approval is granted. Neonatal care. What medical care is available if your baby needs it? This is likely to be very important information for the child.
What provisions exist for further information to be provided about the surrogate, or for a relationship to continue between the intended parent s , the child and the surrogate, egg or sperm donors, if this is wanted by all parties? Write a surrogacy agreementThe potential for information exchange, and or a continuing relationship, between the parties will depend on where the surrogacy arrangement takes place and the agency organising it.
It is recommended that intended parent s ask agencies for information about the surrogate and donor, if any , including medical history, and whether ongoing contact is possible and document arrangements in a surrogacy agreement. Surrogacy support organisations may offer advice for establishing a successful relationship with a surrogate and donor, if any internationally.
Read more on Better Health Channel website. Finding a surrogate Finding a surrogate within Australia can seem impossible. It can be difficult to know where to start or who to ask for help.
The Finding a surrogate brochure can get you started. You can also contact a counsellor or fertility clinic for advice and support. Asking a family member or friend for help. Seeking a surrogate online through surrogacy support groups or online forums. It is illegal to publish an advertisement or notice, or attempt to publicly seek a surrogate.
You are not allowed to pay a surrogate other than prescribed costs. It is illegal for a surrogate to publicly indicate willingness to act as a surrogate. Things to consider Surrogacy arrangements have many financial, medical, practical and emotional implications for you, your family, and the child born from the arrangement.
The laws affecting surrogacy vary across states and territories. You should always seek advice locally to take your individual circumstances into account. It is normal to experience apprehension about needing help, as well as doubts and fear that the surrogate will want to keep the baby or will want to intrude or interfere with your family.
In reality, few surrogates do not relinquish the child, with more cases of the intended parent s not wanting to take responsibility. In Victoria, the counselling sessions joint and individual aim to work through any concerns and potential issues, and ensure everyone is emotionally prepared. Some of the things you should consider include: Giving yourself time and space to reconcile the grief and loss if you are not going to be genetically related to the child, or are not able to be pregnant and give birth.
There are many avenues to become a parent. Is surrogacy the most comfortable option for you given your circumstances? As with any successful relationship, it takes time to foster good communication, respect and trust between you and a surrogate. Given the complexity of surrogacy, ensure you take time to discuss potential issues and whether to proceed.
A shared understanding of expectations and communication for the pregnancy, the birth plan, information exchange and any ongoing relationship with you and the child should be discussed.
A surrogacy agreement formalises this and helps all parties clarify their wishes, expectations and responsibilities. The following factors can contribute to a positive surrogacy arrangement: Stable mental and physical health, a positive life situation, and a supportive partner. Clear and open communication with clear boundaries and realistic expectations.
This is particularly important if you have a pre-existing relationship with your surrogate i. Trust your surrogate to do the right thing by herself, her body and your baby. Be genuine, respectful, open, reliable and have some degree of flexibility to work well together. Be supportive, build trust by keeping promises and show commitment e. Understanding the medical process, success rates and timeframes.
Realistic expectations surrounding emotional changes and reactions that may occur during the process. It is normal to feel anxiety, grief, guilt and disappointment.
Be considerate of the potential strain a surrogate is putting on her personal relationships including her family by carrying your child. Agreeing on what fair and reasonable expenses for the surrogate are. Be financially responsible by budgeting and clearly outlining when and how costs are to be reimbursed. Agreeing on a pregnancy and birth plan that all parties are comfortable with.
Keep in mind that the birth mother has the right to manage her own pregnancy regardless of the agreement. Have common long-term goals about the rights and interests of the child and agreed openness about their conception and genetics.
Be open to ongoing contact and communication in regards to the child. Children often need and like to know their origins. While it is illegal to pay a surrogate in Australia commercial surrogacy , a surrogate can be reimbursed for costs she incurs as a direct consequence of entering the surrogacy arrangement altruistic surrogacy. These may include: Medical expenses associated with the pregnancy or birth e.
Fertility treatment fees vary depending on the clinic used, what procedure is required, whether a donor is needed and how many attempts are undertaken. It is recommended that you discuss the details of costs with your clinic directly.
Costs of legal advice and counselling necessary to satisfy the requirements for approval by the Patient Review Panel, or prior to obtaining a substitute parentage order. Travel expenses that are incurred in relation to the pregnancy or birth. This means costs for treatment are passed on to you as intended parent s. As surrogacy arrangements can be expensive, a budget is important, and you may want to consult a financial advisor for help.
Talking to your child Whether a child is born with the help of a surrogate in Australia or a surrogate internationally, research and anecdotal evidence shows that children of surrogacy and donor conception benefit from being told how they came to be in the world. Children are also often curious to know more about their surrogate and donor if any. Talking to your child about how you became a family through surrogacy is no different from the experience for families created through donor conception or other forms of fertility treatment.
It is all about openness, honesty, how, when and why to tell. Find out more information about talking to children here. Checklist for intended parent s. If it is not possible to breastfeed a baby because they are premature, sick or born via surrogacy or to same-sex parents, human donor milk is a great alternative.
More than 10, Australian children live with same-sex parents. This article will help you consider the main questions about becoming a dad in a same-sex relationship. Am I eligible? Eligibility requirements for fertility treatments in Victoria are outlined in Section 10 of the Assisted Reproductive Treatment Act Things to consider Fertility treatment in Australia Having fertility treatment in Australia, and using an Australian donor or surrogate if you need one, has many benefits.
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