This is a lot of work and time and effort that other people don't have to expend, which is annoying. But it can be pretty okay if you work at it. It's literally just a lot of work, though, no magic.
Saying hi to people, remembering things about them, reaching out when they're having trouble, making an effort to be friendly. If you do that for a while you'll find that you will end up with people to rely on.
It's not nearly as secure as actual family would be, which sucks, but it is what it is. Fish and I both come from large families with very set Christmas traditions. We travel now over Christmas and that is our new tradition, even if just having each other is family for us right now.
We love seeing how different cultures do or don't do Christmas - it really changes perspective. I highly recommend it! Outside of that, friends, neighbor's, co-workers. Just be friendly and keep putting yourself out there. You can also volunteer on Christmas - I've done that while completely alone before and it made me feel not-alone and that I was helping others even if that feeling was fleeting and just for that day.
Lots of great advice so far. Start a new ritual Have a brunch with family foods. Call your mom and wish her a merry Christmas. Text your friends to do the same.
You need to get out from the shadow of your mother with them. Who reached out when your dad passed? This is a subtle reminder that you are not your mom, as she has likely exhausted your family members. It may also be that there is more dysfunction on her side of the family, but a couple of nudges toward connecting is to be expected.
Just floating balloons here. Therapy is a great gift. There are other groups beyond Al Anon, though some choose to identify their higher power as a collective unconscious experience. You will find a fair number of atheists there.
Best wishes! And grief is a funny thing, if you want to give them some grace. Call them on Christmas- they likely have a landline if they are of a certain age. Chances are talking about your dad with them will soothe both of you. This may be out of your comfort zone given your mother's mental illness and alcoholism but perhaps something to consider. I think a large part of feeling a sense of belonging has to do with being able and allowed to express love for those around you.
If that is taken away because of your mother's illness and alcoholism is is naturally going to be very painful, year after year as holidays and birthdays go by reminding you of what was taken away from you. You cannot express love to those who are deceased by giving gifts, providing company and sharing stories. You can't do this with your mom either because she is more interested in getting drunk than participating.
Be that as it may you can still find peace in your heart over what she has done to herself and to you. This is only for your benefit and not hers so don't think it needs to be that you are forgiving her but rather you are allowing yourself to not suffer the pain anymore because you don't deserve it.
You could buy her a small gift, writer her a card or poem, give her a photo of better times, bring her a coooked meal if that is what you would do with your ideal mother. But instead of bringing it over and hoping for a miracle, just provide it and leave with a good feeling in your heart that you are taking care of your own needs. You could even leave it there when she isn't home. How she responds to this is not a concern for you any more, but be damned if she will take away your joy and need for a mother.
Great advice on here. When I became more open about my situation, my friendships became deeper and more authentic and I did have people I could spend holiday time with. I reached out to my cousins and have friendships with them, too. I also my my husband just before I turned 30, so I second advice to go and volunteer, if that's something you feel you can do - lots of people would love to be able to do that.
Find a local parkrun that's running on Christmas Day and go and cheer cold runners on, if actual volunteering feels like too much.
One of my Christmas traditions is cemetery duty, I am doing it today. I take a broom, a scrub brush, and a couple of gallon jugs of water to the family plot and give it a good cleaning. It sounds like a depressing thing to do, but for me it is not. This program is local to NYC, but maybe there's something like it where you live? Witness the angst generated by people who cannot figure out how to have a wedding without offending random people, or Christmas without visiting parents etc.
We get so locked in to these patterns of expectation. They can crush us and ruin everything. For many, those are positive things- they want the traditions, welcome the rituals, etc. And those are lucky people, and I salute them. No one can make you suffer. Choose not to be subject to that pain. Choose new traditions, make new patterns. Honor yourself. Lovingly and cheerfully explain, in a way that feels safe, to anyone who gives you shit about it, that you are Doing A New Thing.
And let that be the end of it. It will feel bad and you may have some struggle. But make this time into whatever you need it to be. You are not beholden to anyone else's idea of what holidays are "supposed" to be. This is so, so painful and I feel for you at this time of year.
And this group seems to be growing. It is a new reality taking place all over the world. The reasons for it are many. Thus they get to old age alone. Sometimes families simply disperse and each person lives thousands of miles from each other. It could also be that someone of advanced age is abandoned by their relatives. The disturbing thing is that up to not long ago, this was an exception.
The number of people who decide not to marry has grown and the number of families that have only one child is also much higher. The truth is there are always problems in families. Just like with couples, families are also full of contradictions. We are learning that children benefit from their parents and family becoming more involved in their day to day care, in events and activities and in planning. Parents and family have a lot to offer their children while they are in care and can play an important role.
For example, we know when children and family are well connected and families are involved, children in care are safer. When families are involved and they have good relationships with carers and workers, then reunification is more likely. Family inclusion is important for all children but it is even more important and urgent for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children. Family inclusive practice is an important way Life Without Barriers is working to implement the Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander placement principles and how we do our best to make sure children are living in family, culture and community.
Life Without Barriers is a member of the Family Matters campaign and see prevention and family reunification as the best way to make sure the principles are upheld. Denying cultural identity is detrimental to their attachment needs, their emotional needs, their emotional development, their education and their health. Press ESC to cancel. Skip to content Home Essay Can a person live without family? Ben Davis May 1, Can a person live without family?
Why do we need our family? What if u have no friends? Do narcissists have friends? Is it bad to have many friends? Why do people need friends?
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